"Searching for myself in a corridor of mirrors"

(oil painting on canvas, 30X40, 2008)

“Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over all things.”
The Gospel of Thomas

"Only the shallow know themselves."
Oscar Wilde

The painting that you see in front of you is my forth attempt at painting myself looking at myself in a mirror. All the previous attempts had the same basic idea, but didn’t have the level of spookiness I was trying to achieve. For years I’ve been a bit afraid of mirrors, because I expected to see either someone else’s reflection to stare back at me or somebody (like a ghost) to be standing right behind me. Of course, neither of the two ever happened and I always end up staring at my own face, which at times is just as weird as seeing a ghost in a mirror.

I still haven’t adjusted to the way I look. My face seems foreign to me. In my own mind I just can’t comprehend how somebody like me could end up with a face like that. My face seems especially unsuitable for my persona, when I feel all dark, brooding and complicated (granted it only happens once in a great while). I become disappointed when at times like that I come up to a mirror and instead of looking at a pale aristocratic type of face with delicate features and big sad eyes, (that I expect to see), I observe my round cute mug reminiscent of little curly-haired girls so often featured on the postcards from the 1930’s… aristocratic type of face with delicate features and big sad eyes, (that I expect to see), I observe my round cute mug reminiscent of little curly-haired girls so often featured on the postcards from the 1930’s…