"Portrait of Billie Holiday"

(collage and oil painting on glass, 16X20, 2009)

"I never hurt nobody but myself and that's nobody's business but my own."
Billie Holiday

"Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what's more than enough."
Billie Holiday

For the past decade Billie Holiday has been one of my favorite singers. If I were given an opportunity to choose a singing voice for myself (something that God neglected to give me) I would choose Lady Day’s voice, because she sounds exactly like I wish I could sound. I think her voice goes well with my art. If I had her voice I would just sing and paint all day. But we can’t have everything that we wish for. If we did – our accomplishments would be rendered meaningless.

We can only cultivate things that are given to us and make the best of what is in us. I believe that it’s our responsibility not to waste our talents. It’s unfortunate that many talented people like Billie Holiday cut down their potential in its prime. I weep when I think of what kind of great ideas, great music and great art was lost to us because of circumstances that great artists themselves chose to be in.

I understand that creative personalities often come with a variety of excesses; I understand that a creative person might have a desire to explore life from every possible angle; I understand that the use of drugs and alcohol might be perceived as part of creative process, but I can’t understand why artistic people choose to continue their dependence on substances when it clearly stunts their potential. I enjoy partying just as the next gal, but I enjoy painting much more and I would never let anything interfere with my art. Granted, sometimes I view hangovers as an opportunity to take a break from working that I wouldn’t otherwise allow myself to take, but I would not let myself waste my talent on a permanent hangover. Just as any other person I have a responsibility to God and to my parents to make the best of my talent for as long as I live.