In loving memory of Val Frenkel
I took this picture of Val about 6 months after he and I started going out. I remember that day vividly. It was beautiful and sunny. We were in love and boundlessly happy. I was taking pictures of him and he of me. After a while we got tired of it and just sat there, frolicking in the sun. I looked at Val and decided to take one more photo, which you now see on your right. I couldn't possibly imagined at that moment that the photo I was taking would end up on Val's tombstone five years later...
Sometimes people go through experiences so extraordinary that they make us, break us or define us as people. The last week of February 2004 became such an experience for me. I lost a person who was very dear to me and very dear to many other people. His name was Val and he was only twenty-seven-years-old. Val had the most beautiful blue eyes and the kindest heart. He loved people and had big dreams. On the night of February 21st he was racing on a highway with a friend of his. Val’s car crashed at the speed of 140 miles per hour, he flew out of the car and smashed his skull on the metal railing. The passenger in the car didn’t have a scratch on him. Later on, at the Yale New Haven hospital Val’s friend Alex and I were talking and Alex told me that Val used to say that if he’s racing he’d rather crash his car than loose a race… which was exactly what he did. The guy who was with him in the car that night said that he was begging Val to slow down. I know from my own experience that it was pointless.
In the four years that Val and I were going out he never listened to me when I was telling him to slow down. Sometimes he would drive like crazy steering with his knees and if I ever yelled at him to stop it, he’d just ask me: “Don’t you trust me?” I did. I was wrong to. I have so many thoughts going through my head now. I know I could’ve been in that car, but it doesn’t scare me. I wish I could go back in time and warn Val. I know time is irreversible. But I have a chance to warn you. For God’s sake don’t be careless. Wear your seat belt. Whatever stupid or dangerous things you’re doing -- think of the people close to you. Think of the people who love you and imagine how devastated they would be if something were to happen to you. If you die you’re not punishing yourself, you’re doing it to the others. I know that I’ll never be the same.
After four days of the worst emotional roller coaster I’ve ever been on, I had to watch Val die. I had to come to terms that he’ll be unplugged from life support and I had to watch him take his last breath after six hours of struggling to breathe on his own. I had to watch his nose bleed and watch his dad wiping the blood and begging him to wake up. I had to hear myself telling Val: “Please, don’t fight it anymore. Just let go.” I'll always remember his fingers in my hand and I'll remember myself thinking that this is the last time he'll hold anybody's hand. I'll remember his parents crying at the funeral and I'll remember myself feeling empty inside looking at the ground slowly covering his casket. I'll always have a mental image of his photo standing on a side of the hole that would become his final resting place. I'll remember that picture of his face looking straight into my eyes. I was standing at the cemetery holding his mom's shaking hand and wondering where Val's soul was at that moment. I was wondering how he felt knowing how much he made all of us suffer. Do you want somebody close to you to go through the same thing? Think about it and please when you're about to do something careless always think of the people close to you…
With love,
Natasha
